“Since the murder of the little 9 year old
Akhlaq who left his family to go to the toilet while out in the park, we have
been too nervous to go back there. We used to enjoy watching the cricket but
now the whole place has been spoiled for us. Now we do not think he should go
to the park, public toilets or indeed anywhere on his own and he and his school
friends feel the same way too. When he goes back to school next week we are
arranging a rota of parents to share the chaperoning for the journey to and
back from school. Before, we let our children go to school on their own. It is
a sad thing to reflect on that this is no longer possible in England”.
Mr & Mrs P. Slough
The death of a child from natural causes
affects the family and the wider community. We expect our children to outlive
us and are shocked and saddened when the position is reversed even where we are
not personally attached to the particular child. The death of a child through
murder is devastating. It affects all of us with the most powerful impact
experienced by those emotionally or geographically closest. Whilst many parents
taking their children out to parks this summer will worry over their safety and
think of Kayla and his family, those, like the P’s who used to enjoy family
outings in the same park where a tragedy occurred (such as Richmond), may find
themselves unable to return for a while.
The spot where someone loved has died of
natural causes can become a comforting geographical memorial but the place
where someone is murdered is very different. We tend to displace on to the
innocent scenery for a while all the unknown hatred and perversion of the
murderer and the unknown but guessed-at fear and pain of the child. Blaming or
avoiding the place can be a way of trying to be in control of the haphazardness
of such rare events. The Ps might be irrationally hoping that by avoiding the
park their son will never be murdered. In a similar way, some shoppers avoid a
favourite shop after a bomb explosion in the vain hope of avoiding the
catastrophe that has already happened. These ways of responding to disaster are
widespread.
However, by not letting their son go alone
anywhere they could erode his trust in the world further, increasing his fear
and dependence. As Peter Wilson, Director of Young Minds comments, “The impact
of this kind of outrage is that it can all too easily breach the trust and
routine of everyday family life. Children want to learn to do things by
themselves- and they have to if they are to take their own place in the world
as men and women. This means being on their own, going into strange places,
taking risks. Parents have to find the right balance in overseeing them; too
little protection too soon can leave children overly vulnerable to their own
fears and actual danger; too much too late can deprive a child of his or her
own competence.”
How much real risk do children face of murder
by strangers? Gwen Adshead, Lecturer in Victimology at the Institute of
Psychiatry, Traumatic Stress Project comments “ The vast majority of children
are at most danger from people they know rather than from strangers. In almost
any year children make up less than 10% of all murder victims. In 1990, for
example, there were 690 homicides in England and Wales in which 58 were under
16 years of age and all were murdered by their parents. That was an unusual
year but in almost every year 80% of all victims are murdered by people that they
know.” In other words, England has not suddenly become a less safe place. It is
just that we know what is happening more.
Perhaps too there is a way that for many
parents, including the Ps, murder by a stranger evokes particular compassion,
identification and fear because it could have happened to anybody in the
country, whereas murder within a family can be easier to put aside as a
disturbed family’s private tragedy.
The P’s say their son and his classmates have
all been affected and do not want to travel alone. That is initially
understandable but could the children be encouraged to go out in a peer group
without an adult for a specific short timed period to see if that relieved
their current fears? Perhaps the school itself can offer help when term starts.
Mrs Anne Gold, Lecturer in the Management
Development Centre at the Institute of Education, University of London has
co-written a book “Wise before the event: Coping with crises in schools” with
psychology professor William Yule for precisely such a purpose. She comments “A
violent murder of a child is very shocking for people who are even remotely
connected with it. We suggest that the children are told about it as clearly,
carefully and honestly as possible as soon as possible in their class or in a
regular small tutor group with a teacher they work with regularly. We warn
teachers that there will be a lot of distress about but it is important not to
avoid things because they might be distressing. With 9 years old there could be
some creative work- reading or writing stories about the child who has died;
talk about how they might comfort the friends of somebody who has died as well
as how to keep safe.”
Children and adults who find themselves
haunted in the long-term by such incidents and develop sleep problems might
suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. This is easier to diagnose when the
child or adult is otherwise trauma-free. Ms Sally Swartz, Senior Lecturer at
the multi-racial Child Guidance Clinic, Cape Town University, comments “ In the
recent Church massacre you may have heard about in England where we were
referred children who had never experienced or seen anything like that before
we could isolate post traumatic stress disorder more clearly than where our
child patients are exposed to domestic and political violence, sexual activity,
drug and alcohol abuse.”
For Mr and Mrs P, their son and his school
friends, if there is no gradual relief from the fear and worry the local child
guidance clinic or hospital trauma unit should be contacted next. The letter
did not state if the children went to the same school as the murdered child or
knew him. Where there is additional closeness the loss and hurt are greater.
There have been several letters expressing
concern about the safety of boys in public toilets and next month’s column will
be devoted to that.