“Our family’s life has changed drastically
since my 14 year old son was forced into a sexual act by his much-loved form
master, Mr X, during a school camping holiday. We have all been deeply shocked
as he was respected and liked by us and the school. He is now in prison.
Although the school, social services and police have been extremely supportive,
Anthony, who has always been my quietest child, has become more and more
depressed. He now tells us he is worried he is homosexual. I don’t know where
to go. I am afraid formal therapy will stigmatise him as perverted”.
Mrs W
Abuse of a child or adolescent by any adult
is both a personal and public blow. Abuse of a child by an adult in a position
of affection and trust involves an additional kind of betrayal. The W family
trusted Anthony’s form master and so did the school. The abuse of their trust
as well as the nature of the incident has hurt Anthony, his family, the school
and the wider community. It appears that Mr X is in prison, not just because
Anthony is under the age of consent, but because he forced himself on him.
First and foremost, Anthony needs skilled help to deal with his experience. Dr
Arnon Bentovim from Great Ormond Street Hospital emphasises this. “Anthony has
experienced a trauma. He received a sympathetic response from home, school and
other agencies and that is important. However, it is not adequate to deal with
all his needs. He is clearly depressed so the primary concern is to get him
access to appropriate treatment as soon as possible”.
Whilst sexual abuse is an act of power, the
fact that it is transmitted bodily has inevitable sexual repercussions. Mr
Donald Campbell, Psychoanalyst and Chairman of the Portman Clinic, comments,
“Premature sexual experience with someone outside the generational boundaries
needs to be taken very seriously indeed. It may precipitate a too early
foreclosure of the child or adolescent’s own choice in developing sexuality. A
14 year old like Anthony would not yet have a fixed sexual identity.”
Dr Eileen Vizard of the Young Abuser Project,
agrees with this. “A tragedy for all victims, regardless of their gender or the
gender of their abusers, is that they are troubled by sexual fantasies and
flashbacks. We need to intervene as quickly as possible so they have a freer
choice in their sexual development. With regard to Anthony, having been abused
by a male he is more likely to be disturbed by same-sex fantasies and if he is
not able to deal with these without putting them into action he will take a
further step towards a homosexual object choice that might not have otherwise
been his consenting choice”.
This lack of choice holds true regardless of
the gender of victim or abuser. When 9-year-old Mary was abused by her father
and became unwillingly and prematurely excited by aspects of it she was started
on a path that drew her into further abusive opposite sex encounters. However,
for a variety of reasons, same-sex abuse and its sequelae can arouse more
concern. In that context, same-sex abuse is not homosexual abuse. Whether abuse
is perpetrated by same sex or opposite sex adults the issue is not to do with
homosexuality or heterosexuality as an orientation. It is the lack of choice
and consent that constitutes the abuse.
Anthony is expressing a fear of being
homosexual. Two possibilities need to be differentiated here. Firstly, one way
of coping with abuse is to identify with the sexual behaviour of the aggressor.
To compensate for having been the unwilling passive recipient, Anthony might be
seeking the active part. Secondly, at his age there can be homosexual play
between young men which is not fixed and is part of normal development. There
might, for example, be some mutual interest in comparing and exploring
genitals. However, the impact of same sex abuse on a young male might well lead
to a more simplistic reckoning. In trying to make sense of what has happened
Anthony has decided it must be because he is homosexual. Research by Arnon
Bentovim underlines the universality of this fear. In his new book “Trauma
Organised Systems: Physical and Sexual Abuse in Families” he shows how in
same-sex abuse of boys the commonest victim anxiety was “Am I homosexual? Is
that why I am being picked out?” Indeed, this anxiety is the main reason why
boys are reluctant to report abuse.
Why are certain children targeted? Mr
Campbell points out “These children are not selected because the perpetrator
suspects they are homosexual but because they are perceived as lonely, hungry
for some kind of psychological contact with a man; isolated sometimes,
withdrawn, being slightly outside the peer group and the rough and tumble of
the other kids”. Mrs W tells us that Anthony is quiet but says nothing about
her husband’s view. Has he left the family? Is there any paternal loss that
would have made Anthony more longing for acceptance from Mr X? In other words,
the particular needs, hopes and vulnerabilities of a child prior to abuse are
extremely important in trying to understand the impact of trauma.
What of Mrs W’s fears about her son being
stigmatised as perverted by asking for help? Mr Campbell says, “I understand
this fear as it is shared by many of the male adolescents and adults who refer
themselves to the Portman Clinic. Whether they are asking help for depression
or because they are unhappy or disturbed about their homosexuality and
prejudiced responses to it they seek help from non-judgmental professionals who
will treat them as a whole person and try to understand with them their worries
or anxieties about their sexuality “. If Mrs W takes Anthony to see a
specialist in the field of sexual abuse the whole family might be seen together
first, and then it would be considered whether he needed work on his own. If
Anthony wants to speak to someone immediately a phone call to Childline can
offer support. Hereward Harrison, Childline’s Director of Counselling, has told
many young men like Anthony- “Those pictures in your head are not the only
ones. They can go. You can get over it and have your own choice”.
Information
“Trauma Organised Systems: Physical and
Sexual Abuse in Families” by Arnon Bentovim. H.Karnac Books, œ 11.95/
The Portman Clinic, 0207 794 8262
Childline 0800 1111